Picturing Life...

Posted: March 27, 2009

I took this picture from the balcony outside my study. It’s one of those little porch’s that’s just big enough to spread out on, but not big enough for a barbecue - I’m sure you know the type. I went out there while the sun was still shining, quite brightly at that, I know this because I remember closing my eyes and turning my face to square the sun and warmed my it in the midst of the cool breeze that was coming in from the north. 

I went out there to be alone. I had a lot on my mind and it was really starting to get to me. Have you ever had “one of those days” for a month solid? That was what I was going through. 

We were in the process of remodeling the old Post Office we bought to meet in as a church body and I’d been getting home really late for a while, the kiddos were in a new school, Dana had been suffering through severe Endometriosis for the past 2 years and was getting closer and closer to being on full bed rest,  Wile E, our Heeler/Basset was had just been diagnosed with epileptic seizures and the last thing I wanted to do was bury a dog @ the new house just after we moved in. All this on top of being a church planter, a full time Dad, counsellor, jack of all trades (master of none), church penny pincher, friend, and theologian. 

However, my problem wasn’t with any of the above privileges or duties. It was with “I”.  

“I” was focused on what he wanted, and what he thought he needed, from nearly all these things and relationships. 

“I” wanted my wife to be better so she could goof with me like she used to, do the things we did before her sickness, act and flirt the way we did back when she felt “good”.

“I” wanted the rewards of planting a church without the sacrifices that went along with it. 

“I”  wanted the rewards of pastoring a church without the sacrifices that went along with it.

“I” wanted, “I” wanted, “I” wanted! Do you see what was happening? Well, I didn’t, until the moment I grabbed my camera and started snapping shots at the setting sun.

The sun began to sink as big, bright, and beautiful rays pierced passed the clouds and through the trees creating one of the most memorable sunsets I’ve ever experienced. It was phenomenal! 

Then, at that very moment, I realized something; I had been so focused on “I” that he had built a prison for me to live in. A prison that was cold and lonely. A prison whose bars were not made of iron, but instead consisted of the things “I” wanted from life, the selfish desires to glorify my flesh instead of God, the focus on “I” feeling good, the desire to be served instead of being served... the list goes on. 

“How did I get here?”, I thought as I watched the sun setting... and then, in an almost audible voice, the Lord said “You’re here because you were focused on yourself, instead of Me. And this will happen every time your priorities and focus are in the wrong place.” 

I looked back at my life and saw that very pattern repeating itself over and over again since my conversion in my teens. When I was fighting depression, entertaining sinful thoughts or activities, was angry with Dana over something stupid, so stupid that can’t even remember what I was upset about during those times... every instance of sin I could think of was because “I” was in focus instead of glorifying God Almighty. 

 I immediately confessed that, and other, sins that the Spirit brought to mind and I was clean, fresh, and ready to start over!

During my moment on the porch, even though I know there are many other Scriptures that apply, one verse kept running through my heart, to my head, then to my eyes resulting in the wonderful tears that come from repentance and forgiveness by the only One who can truly forgive - my Heavenly Father.

The verse is: 

Lamentations 3:22-24

22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;

23 they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

24 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”

I remembered only a part of this passage as I was staring at the setting sun. I kept repeating “His mercies are new every morning, they never cease... His mercies are new every morning, they never cease...

The Lord kept reminding me that He had forgiven me, and that I needed to focus on glorifying Him - making much of Him - in all that I thought, did, said, and felt in my heart and emotions. Just like this sun that will 

This was my first step in being freed from “I” prison, the first of many. Now that I’m free from the guilt, self pity, and selfishness of “I” prison, I can live more dedicated for the Lord than ever before. I still have to fight the daily battle of being in a flesh and bone body and the old flesh that goes along with it; but I am free to serve my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and focus on Him rather than my trials. I can trust Him above all things. I will never be forsaken or left alone without Him. I am His child, and now I can once again live like it.

Yes, a picture can bring back so many memories and feelings from the past... I praise God for this one. 

PT

Questions:

1. Does your day evolve around “I”? If you find yourself consumed with what you’re going through on a daily basis instead of rising above the difficulties and serving Jesus in all you think, do, say, and feel, then you are pretty close, if not totally engulfed, in living in the prison of “I”.
2. Do you find that you spend more time worrying about  what you’ve done in the past, and what you’re currently going through, than on serving Jesus and glorifying Him with every moment He has blessed you with?
3. While reading this story from my life, did you find that you can currently relate to some, if not most, of what I was going through - and still battle at times?

If you have said yes to these questions, I pray that you will be encouraged by God’s Word, as I was, to remember 

1 John 1:8-9, “If we say we have no sin then we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

Confess your sins of selfishness to God, ask for His forgiveness, and move on knowing that you are totally forgiven, you can live guilt free, and that you do not have to continue to sin but can glorify God through the power of the cross, the blood, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. 

(To order copies the pictures below, please contact pastor@brbctexas.com with your request. All donations go directly to BRBC & its mission to help you honor & glorify God in all you think, do, say, & feel, & train others to do the same.)